Not long ago I worked at a biathlon on a semi-chilly morning. I was inside collecting the data and typing up the results for most of the morning. My friend Loren, however, was out by the finish line for the 3-hour duration of the activity. About 30 minutes after the activity Loren and I were driving back to our office and she kept commenting on how cold she was. The day had warmed up considerably, however, and I really couldn’t tell how in the world she was still cold. What I had failed to realize, though, was that her body temperature had been lowered from being outside all morning, whereas mine had been retained from staying inside.
So many times we think people are coming from the same place that we are. We assume that they are in our same mood, that they have the same homework load, that they have the same family situation, and that what we hold important or as a priority is the same for them. What we feel (the current temperature) fails to account for their “body temperature” that is affected by who they are and what they have done and where they have been.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Thursday, May 19, 2011
80/20
Last night I was talking with someone whose grandma had given them a great theory on dating. She called it the 80/20 rule.
I think everyone in the back of their mind, or on a typed-out list, or in what they've told people, have an idea of what their 100% significant other will be like. Maybe the "100" is very similar to you, maybe they have certain physical characteristics you've always been looking for, maybe they they have certain qualities of confidence or tact or kindness that you will not give up for anything. But maybe it isn't the "100" that we should look for.
We should, according to the theory, look for someone who has 80% of the things we "need", and granted there are definitely some things that you shouldn't budge on, but then also be ready to accept the other 20% of things that surprise us. Maybe you weren't expecting to date a blonde, to date someone a little quieter than you had expected, or who had had different life experiences than you had planned on. But I have learned lately that in having an 80/20 relationship, the differences make both of you stronger. Going for someone 80% "similar" to you is far from supporting the adage that "opposites attract", but the fact that it's not 100 is strengthening. Both then have to sacrifice, compromise, grow in new areas, and shrink in old ones in order to create a dynamic, new, and meaningful relationship. You are able to relate on many things, but it's also quite an adventure diving into their soul and discovering the differences.
And most of us, me especially, are too picky for their own good. The 80/20 rule helps you find the person you're looking for with the same basic standards and goals, but also allows you to be willing, ready, and excited to embrace and enjoy the differences.
I think everyone in the back of their mind, or on a typed-out list, or in what they've told people, have an idea of what their 100% significant other will be like. Maybe the "100" is very similar to you, maybe they have certain physical characteristics you've always been looking for, maybe they they have certain qualities of confidence or tact or kindness that you will not give up for anything. But maybe it isn't the "100" that we should look for.
We should, according to the theory, look for someone who has 80% of the things we "need", and granted there are definitely some things that you shouldn't budge on, but then also be ready to accept the other 20% of things that surprise us. Maybe you weren't expecting to date a blonde, to date someone a little quieter than you had expected, or who had had different life experiences than you had planned on. But I have learned lately that in having an 80/20 relationship, the differences make both of you stronger. Going for someone 80% "similar" to you is far from supporting the adage that "opposites attract", but the fact that it's not 100 is strengthening. Both then have to sacrifice, compromise, grow in new areas, and shrink in old ones in order to create a dynamic, new, and meaningful relationship. You are able to relate on many things, but it's also quite an adventure diving into their soul and discovering the differences.
And most of us, me especially, are too picky for their own good. The 80/20 rule helps you find the person you're looking for with the same basic standards and goals, but also allows you to be willing, ready, and excited to embrace and enjoy the differences.
Monday, April 11, 2011
1,398 Days Later
In the past 1,398 days I have seen my brother Braden in person for only 7. In the other 1,391 I’ve briefly spoken to him on the phone on 6 occasions and seen his face on Skype only once. We haven’t had a Christmas, Thanksgiving, or Halloween together since the winter of 2006. But on May 6th, that will all change.
Do you ever feel like there’s someone in the world who knows you better than anyone? Someone who knows exactly how your mind works, knows what your motivations and values are, knows where you’ve been, where you’re at, and where you’re going. Someone who you can be your complete and exact self with because they require no explanation. Braden is one of those people to me.
It might be because we shared a room since the day he was born. It might be because we both like seeing results, but are both definitely ready for quirky random adventures. It might be because of the thousands of hours playing Adventure Castle, block wars, board games, matchbox car role playing (each car with a name that ended in a “Y” for some reason) or the fact that every single family board game turned into a Braden vs. Travis death match. It might be because of our teamed-up teasing of our lovely sister Camille or comradery/mentoring of Derek (me trying to make him more dream-chasing, and Braden trying to make him more practical). Whatever it is, we know each other more than anyone ever has.
For the past 4 years we’ve e-mailed each other once a week, missing only two or three weeks out of the 200. For the first half of those years they were sent from Taiwan to America, and the last half from America to Russia. We’ve filled each other in on school, on baptisms, on girls, on exchanges, on our family, on scriptures, on our dreams, on our futures. Every week I can honestly say I looked forward to his e-mails more than any other piece of real or electronic mail. Because even in the time we’ve been apart, I’ve never felt closer to him. And whether he was home earning the Monson Scholar award and conducting a flash mob, or at Russia being a leader and changing people’s lives, I’ve never felt so proud of being his brother.
Next year we will once again be roommates. And another one of our best friends, younger brother Derek, will be in town as well. Party? Yes.
Braden my brother. I am so excited to have you back!
Do you ever feel like there’s someone in the world who knows you better than anyone? Someone who knows exactly how your mind works, knows what your motivations and values are, knows where you’ve been, where you’re at, and where you’re going. Someone who you can be your complete and exact self with because they require no explanation. Braden is one of those people to me.
It might be because we shared a room since the day he was born. It might be because we both like seeing results, but are both definitely ready for quirky random adventures. It might be because of the thousands of hours playing Adventure Castle, block wars, board games, matchbox car role playing (each car with a name that ended in a “Y” for some reason) or the fact that every single family board game turned into a Braden vs. Travis death match. It might be because of our teamed-up teasing of our lovely sister Camille or comradery/mentoring of Derek (me trying to make him more dream-chasing, and Braden trying to make him more practical). Whatever it is, we know each other more than anyone ever has.
For the past 4 years we’ve e-mailed each other once a week, missing only two or three weeks out of the 200. For the first half of those years they were sent from Taiwan to America, and the last half from America to Russia. We’ve filled each other in on school, on baptisms, on girls, on exchanges, on our family, on scriptures, on our dreams, on our futures. Every week I can honestly say I looked forward to his e-mails more than any other piece of real or electronic mail. Because even in the time we’ve been apart, I’ve never felt closer to him. And whether he was home earning the Monson Scholar award and conducting a flash mob, or at Russia being a leader and changing people’s lives, I’ve never felt so proud of being his brother.
Next year we will once again be roommates. And another one of our best friends, younger brother Derek, will be in town as well. Party? Yes.
Braden my brother. I am so excited to have you back!
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Snowball
Once upon a time I was an EFY Counselor. I was put on the Variety Show committee and was therefore involved in the auditions.
A girl named Grace made a decision to try out. Her voice was really good. She got in the talent show.
A year later she was at BYU and I ran into her and we became friends since I remembered her from the talent show.
The next year, because I remembered how well she sang I asked her to audition for GleeYU, the music group I started. She made it in.
During a concert, the administrator of the BYU events team, saw Grace and talked to her afterwards.
Grace was offered a job on the events team, loves her job, and is finding new windows of opportunity from the job every day.
All because she decided to audition for the talent show at a summer camp in high school years before.
It’s interesting how one little decision leads to other things down the road. If she had never auditioned, she would not have been given the job that she has now. I think it says something about always being ready to seize opportunities. It’s worth it to apply for that scholarship, to try out for that team, to go to that event, to meet that extra person. Who knows what your seemingly small decision will lead to in the future. Who knows what kind of chain you’ll be able to make one day that says, “Because I did this…that happened”, “because of that, this opportunity came up”, “because of that situation, I was able to achieve this”, “and because I decided to do this one little thing in April 2011, all of that happened.”
So go do that one little thing, for it is April 2011.
A girl named Grace made a decision to try out. Her voice was really good. She got in the talent show.
A year later she was at BYU and I ran into her and we became friends since I remembered her from the talent show.
The next year, because I remembered how well she sang I asked her to audition for GleeYU, the music group I started. She made it in.
During a concert, the administrator of the BYU events team, saw Grace and talked to her afterwards.
Grace was offered a job on the events team, loves her job, and is finding new windows of opportunity from the job every day.
All because she decided to audition for the talent show at a summer camp in high school years before.
It’s interesting how one little decision leads to other things down the road. If she had never auditioned, she would not have been given the job that she has now. I think it says something about always being ready to seize opportunities. It’s worth it to apply for that scholarship, to try out for that team, to go to that event, to meet that extra person. Who knows what your seemingly small decision will lead to in the future. Who knows what kind of chain you’ll be able to make one day that says, “Because I did this…that happened”, “because of that, this opportunity came up”, “because of that situation, I was able to achieve this”, “and because I decided to do this one little thing in April 2011, all of that happened.”
So go do that one little thing, for it is April 2011.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Bowling Shoes
Bowling Shoes: the best investment you’ll ever make.
Think about it. Where do bowling alleys make their money? Games are often pretty cheap. Most of the time people go to the alley when a free game is available or if they got a coupon or a two for one deal. But there are always those shoes to buy. Because we can’t have those customers scratching up the floor with their “street shoes”. I would love to see the business model of these bowling alleys.
Think of every time you’ve gone bowling. Now multiply it by the $2 you have spent to rent shoes every time. Say that in your life you’ve gone 100 times. That’s $200. Now go to ebay. Look at all those shoes you can get for $5 that even offer free shipping. Now think of the future 300 times you’ll go bowling in your life. Bowling’s not leaving American culture anytime soon. By simply taking 5 minutes to figure out your shoe size and push “buy” on ebay, amazon, or craigslist, you could save about $600.
It’s so satisfying to go to the front counter, show them your own pair of fancy maroon and navy blue bowling shoes, and go bowl for about 1/3 of the costs that you usually do. Please. Please do it. For me. For all that is good about capitalistic America. Stick it to the bowling industry and maybe even go win a free game by bowling a turkey.
And on the flip side, the bowling shoe “look” is pretty in right now anyways. Save money, and be stylish while doing it.
Think about it. Where do bowling alleys make their money? Games are often pretty cheap. Most of the time people go to the alley when a free game is available or if they got a coupon or a two for one deal. But there are always those shoes to buy. Because we can’t have those customers scratching up the floor with their “street shoes”. I would love to see the business model of these bowling alleys.
Think of every time you’ve gone bowling. Now multiply it by the $2 you have spent to rent shoes every time. Say that in your life you’ve gone 100 times. That’s $200. Now go to ebay. Look at all those shoes you can get for $5 that even offer free shipping. Now think of the future 300 times you’ll go bowling in your life. Bowling’s not leaving American culture anytime soon. By simply taking 5 minutes to figure out your shoe size and push “buy” on ebay, amazon, or craigslist, you could save about $600.
It’s so satisfying to go to the front counter, show them your own pair of fancy maroon and navy blue bowling shoes, and go bowl for about 1/3 of the costs that you usually do. Please. Please do it. For me. For all that is good about capitalistic America. Stick it to the bowling industry and maybe even go win a free game by bowling a turkey.
And on the flip side, the bowling shoe “look” is pretty in right now anyways. Save money, and be stylish while doing it.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Proof It
One day in my business class, the following joke was told. Once there were three penguins. The first penguin jumped into the water and yelled, “here goes nothing!”. The next penguin followed suit by jumping off the cliff yelling, “here goes nothing!”. Finally, the third penguin looked over the edge, and after much anticipation, yelled, “Seven!” and jumped off the cliff. Immediately, nearly my whole class erupted with laughter. I had no idea what was funny about that joke….so I did not laugh.
Turns out that the teacher was conducting an experiment. Before the class began he had told a few of the students that when he said the punchline, that they were to begin laughing regardless of if the joke was funny. So they did. The other students in the class, finding themselves in a situation where they didn’t know what to do (because the joke wasn’t really funny and they didn’t know if they should laugh or not), laughed anyways because that’s what everyone else was doing.
This little phenomenon is called “Social Proof”. Basically, when people find themselves in a situation in which they know nothing about it, they will automatically look to see what those around them are doing and then they will do it themselves. Kind of ridiculous in theory and kind of sad, really, but it’s the truth.
That’s why in the comedy shows they put on “laugh tracks” of huge crowds laughing after jokes. Because then we can laugh at the joke even when it’s not funny. Has anyone ever noticed how ridiculous it is that we are watching a TV show and there is audience laughter the whole time? It’s why sometimes people will form lines, even though they have no idea where the line is leading. Because if other people are forming a line, it must be the correct thing to do. It’s why at a basketball game if you didn’t actually see the shot go in or hear the bad call or even know what happened, you will clap or boo right along with the crowd, because you don’t know what’s going on, but you will follow the crowd because of social proof. It's used in doing class assignments, in driving, in friend interactions, in weekend plans, in most everything.
So before you do anything this week, I’d challenge you to ask yourself why you are doing it. Is it because you find yourself in an uncertain situation and are choosing to follow the social proof the crowd provides, or is it because you are deciding for yourself. It’s so refreshing to weigh the alternatives, make a decision based on your own standards and criteria, and then go for it.
And seriously, next time you watch TV, notice the audience randomly laughing in the background. It’s weird. Think about it.
Turns out that the teacher was conducting an experiment. Before the class began he had told a few of the students that when he said the punchline, that they were to begin laughing regardless of if the joke was funny. So they did. The other students in the class, finding themselves in a situation where they didn’t know what to do (because the joke wasn’t really funny and they didn’t know if they should laugh or not), laughed anyways because that’s what everyone else was doing.
This little phenomenon is called “Social Proof”. Basically, when people find themselves in a situation in which they know nothing about it, they will automatically look to see what those around them are doing and then they will do it themselves. Kind of ridiculous in theory and kind of sad, really, but it’s the truth.
That’s why in the comedy shows they put on “laugh tracks” of huge crowds laughing after jokes. Because then we can laugh at the joke even when it’s not funny. Has anyone ever noticed how ridiculous it is that we are watching a TV show and there is audience laughter the whole time? It’s why sometimes people will form lines, even though they have no idea where the line is leading. Because if other people are forming a line, it must be the correct thing to do. It’s why at a basketball game if you didn’t actually see the shot go in or hear the bad call or even know what happened, you will clap or boo right along with the crowd, because you don’t know what’s going on, but you will follow the crowd because of social proof. It's used in doing class assignments, in driving, in friend interactions, in weekend plans, in most everything.
So before you do anything this week, I’d challenge you to ask yourself why you are doing it. Is it because you find yourself in an uncertain situation and are choosing to follow the social proof the crowd provides, or is it because you are deciding for yourself. It’s so refreshing to weigh the alternatives, make a decision based on your own standards and criteria, and then go for it.
And seriously, next time you watch TV, notice the audience randomly laughing in the background. It’s weird. Think about it.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Snooze
Last week I tried a little experiment.
During the middle of a morning at home, I set my alarm. Every time it went off, I would hit the snooze button, thus allowing it to ring 5 minutes later. For the next hour, I would hit the snooze button 12 more times, measuring out each 5-minute increment of my life.
It was amazing to see how quickly time passed. It seemed as though every 30 seconds I would be turning the alarm off. I found myself being ashamed for how little I had accomplished in each 5-minute segment, and ultimately in the hour. To my surprise, little distractions on the computer, a desire to eat a poptart or chocolate chip handful, staring off into space, and staying on one activity for needlessly too long, seemed to bite away my time in huge chunks.
Time is the only thing that we can never get back. And the man who uses each of his 5-minute increments the best will most likely be the most successful, the happiest, and the most satisfied for how things have turned out 70 years down the road.
Try out this little phenomenon for yourself and you’ll realize how much time goes down the drain every single day. And then you can do something to change, and to start living life each second that you have!
During the middle of a morning at home, I set my alarm. Every time it went off, I would hit the snooze button, thus allowing it to ring 5 minutes later. For the next hour, I would hit the snooze button 12 more times, measuring out each 5-minute increment of my life.
It was amazing to see how quickly time passed. It seemed as though every 30 seconds I would be turning the alarm off. I found myself being ashamed for how little I had accomplished in each 5-minute segment, and ultimately in the hour. To my surprise, little distractions on the computer, a desire to eat a poptart or chocolate chip handful, staring off into space, and staying on one activity for needlessly too long, seemed to bite away my time in huge chunks.
Time is the only thing that we can never get back. And the man who uses each of his 5-minute increments the best will most likely be the most successful, the happiest, and the most satisfied for how things have turned out 70 years down the road.
Try out this little phenomenon for yourself and you’ll realize how much time goes down the drain every single day. And then you can do something to change, and to start living life each second that you have!
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