80/20

Last night I was talking with someone whose grandma had given them a great theory on dating. She called it the 80/20 rule.

I think everyone in the back of their mind, or on a typed-out list, or in what they've told people, have an idea of what their 100% significant other will be like. Maybe the "100" is very similar to you, maybe they have certain physical characteristics you've always been looking for, maybe they they have certain qualities of confidence or tact or kindness that you will not give up for anything. But maybe it isn't the "100" that we should look for.

We should, according to the theory, look for someone who has 80% of the things we "need", and granted there are definitely some things that you shouldn't budge on, but then also be ready to accept the other 20% of things that surprise us. Maybe you weren't expecting to date a blonde, to date someone a little quieter than you had expected, or who had had different life experiences than you had planned on. But I have learned lately that in having an 80/20 relationship, the differences make both of you stronger. Going for someone 80% "similar" to you is far from supporting the adage that "opposites attract", but the fact that it's not 100 is strengthening. Both then have to sacrifice, compromise, grow in new areas, and shrink in old ones in order to create a dynamic, new, and meaningful relationship. You are able to relate on many things, but it's also quite an adventure diving into their soul and discovering the differences.

And most of us, me especially, are too picky for their own good. The 80/20 rule helps you find the person you're looking for with the same basic standards and goals, but also allows you to be willing, ready, and excited to embrace and enjoy the differences.