Punctuality

Aladdin: Princess Jasmine, you're very...
Genie: Wonderful! Magnificent! Glorious!... Punctual!
Aladdin: Punctual!
Princess Jasmine: Punctual?
Genie: Sorry.
Aladdin: Uh... uh... beautiful!
Genie: Nice recovery.


For some reason, I have always been deathly afraid of being late to things. I’m afraid of missing out on information or excitement, of letting someone down, of standing someone up, or of not respecting someone’s time, or whatever. No matter what the occasion- be it a practice, a party, a meeting- I have got to show up on time. The idea of being fashionably late has no appeal. If I say I'm going to be there at 5:37, then I will be there at 5:37.

Recently, however, I have started to realize that most of the world does not share my views. I tell people that something starts at 4, and they don’t come til 4:15. I show up to an event “starting” at 8, and it doesn’t actually get going until 8:45. So rare is the event that actually starts when it says it will. And even rarer is the event when all the participants show up on time. People either do not take the responsibility of checking the clock and managing themselves to show up on time, or else they purposely come late to make an appearance or play some silly social game.

And so I come to a crossroads. Do I conform to the world by showing up late to things and save myself countless hours of standing around waiting for people? Or do I continue showing up on the nose, feeling snuggly self-justified and slighty irritated towards others? Or do I mix the two by showing up on time and expecting others to show up late, thus not creating violated expectations when they are indeed late? It will probably have to be the third option. Maybe I’ll just always carry a crossword puzzle in my back pocket to save the time.

I don’t know. Is being late to things morally wrong? Is it a form of lying? I think in some ways it is. Or is it just culture? And is following a culture wrong? Can I blame a culture? Personally, I think Aladdin was right on—punctuality is a great trait for anyone and is a reflection of their respect to other people. Because think about it, every time you’re late you are making somebody wait on you. It’s basically saying, “yeah, whatever I am doing is more important than whatever you had planned.”

But I choose not to base any anger on a societal norm. Because anger is a choice, just as what we set our expectations to be is a choice.

Yeah, I’ll just stick with the crossword puzzle.

Status

The other day in my acting class we were doing a thing called a “status exercise”. My teacher pointed out that all day long human interactions are based on “status” flexing its muscles, bending down to another, or dynamically changing. In this exercise, in a matter of moments, each one of us would say or do things to raise or lower our status within the group. Someone would apologize, give a compliment, admit to a weakness, feign popularity, give a command, submit to another’s suggestion, etc. The “status change” could be tangibly felt.

How do you talk to your little brother? In some degree or another it is influenced by the fact that your “status” is higher. Now say that your mother walks into the same room. I bet you that the way you act will change a bit, in some part to defer to her “higher” status. When I’m at college the dynamics and status’s of my life are different than when I’m home for Christmas in my parent’s house. Sometimes we call status names, like “Senior companion”, “Chief Executive Officer”, “Father”, “Manager”, “Director”, but most of the time status’ are simply felt, implied, and understood.

As a missionary in Taiwan, we saw this status fluctuation all the time. Taiwanese people in general think Americans are the bomb. They place an American’s status above their own and treat them well and defer to their actions or words. If a Taiwanese didn’t know I was a missionary, I received this treatment. As soon as he saw the missionary tag, however, they would often treat me poorly, ignoring me, cussing at me, or treating me like a child, since they were used to seeing missionaries and treating them this way. Travis didn’t change, but all of a sudden my status in the eyes of that person changed drastically. Don’t we do the same in restaurants too? A nice young lady would be treated very well in most situations. But once she’s got that “McDonalds” namebadge on and she is “slow” on an order or messes up, she is treated like someone with a lower status.

Status is different than “popularity”, although sometimes synonymous. High School most clearly defines status in terms of preps down to nerds and the totem pole in between. Some people feel their status is higher. Oftentimes the confident people will be the ones who act in the highest status. Maybe that’s why we dash on a bit of cologne or try to look or best or act certain ways—to give us that edge of confidence and that up in status among our peers.

Gender, race, personality (reds and yellows may feel their status is higher than others), and tons of factors can lead to influencing status. Relationships too are influenced by who “feels” in charge.

And again, status one way or another isn’t necessarily good or bad. This was simply an observation and something that is very real. So my invitation to you today is to analyze your relationships with your family, roommates, teachers, neighbors, waitresses, plumbers, and anyone else. And think about what your status dynamic with that person is, and if it’s where you want it to be.

See, status isn’t just a facebook term. It’s a way of life.